W A V E S
Introduction.
Welcome to Waves, my fifth project. This project is a big piece of exploration for me, and in many ways, it is the main theme here. Exploration. When shielding finally ended for me last year, and the world opened, I knew I had to savour it. This very action, a need for exploration and to be outside in elements and conditions deprived from me, Waves became my next project. I had plans to craft a different, more medical based project, but I found myself in nature more, outdoors all the time and worshiping the freedoms that came with simply living. Waves reflects that time, and is also a commentary on relationships, the importance I’ve felt as a person over the last year and how nature and our lives can be very linked.
I liked the idea of how our lives go in and out like tides, rise and fall like waves crashing and things are brought to us and taken from us by the power of water. The waves can be both very providing and very unforgiving. That’s the nature of life, and I tried to explore some of that here. This is THE FIRST WAVE. More waves will drop over the coming months, so when I say this artwork is fresh, I mean it’s very fresh, straight of the easel in some sense. As I continue to work on this project more artworks will drop on here. I thought it would be interesting to see the work fall over time, onto this site for the project, just as life falls into place sometimes. I hope it invites you to come back for more and to explore; the very same way I did.
PROVIDER (2021)
Acrylic on Canvas
H:60CM L:91CM D: 1.5CM
£700.00 (ON SALE IN STORE)
You have provided me with clarity and a clear head. In a time of my life where I wouldn’t dare dream of having that, you provide. You provide me with a warmth and comfort I haven’t known in a long time.
STORM BAE
I should have known the trapping you had, would trap me too (but let me rewind)
do me a favour michael, be the 99th best thing I could have hoped for be that one hope I held on for
(I told myself I’d get out this space and have you)
i didn’t need you to hold my hand, I just wanted honesty. The sea air and salt on my face, January that night I gave Dan advice I should have followed myself.
(I think it’s going really well, I say, trapped indoors again)
you used the winter wisely, kept me close, far, kept me warm and most of all kept me quiet
I should have known, the trappings that held you down would trap me down too
you hurt me in ways I hadn’t felt yet made me feel like I was difficult, made me think I was earning something real a lockdown project
maybe I’m an idiot, but you initiated all the main steps
“I didn’t feel a spark with you this whole time”
I should have known the trappings that held you down would trap me
(If I let them)
I got free though, I told everyone I cared about. you might be real healthy, but I got real happy. you were nothing but a good time during a bad time.
SPOON. (2021)
Acrylic, Pastel and Chalk on Canvas
H:60CM L:80CM D:1.5CM
(SOLD)
I wanted to have the summer of comfort, I decided to no longer lock my body up in awkward clothing that I don’t honestly enjoy wearing or feel uncomfortable in. I wanted this decision from a painting. I wanted a painting to feel like a warm embrace. I wanted it to feel like a day spent in bed talking and doing nothing but existing.
DERELICT
(Photographic Print, 2021)
Order from Store, £100
abandoned below the surface, never to be found
SEROTONIN (2021)
Acrylic, Pastel and Chalk on Canvas
H:100cm L:100cm D:4cm
(SOLD)
The feeling and joy I get when I’m allowed to be around people I care for and who care for me, is unmatched. Many circles and bubbles all reduced and filtered into one feeling. Happiness.
OUR DECEMBER (2020)
was this just in my head
I pictured you driving down,
arriving late,
climbing in my bed.
We’d stop texting
stop being projections we controlled
and you’d see me in person,
that’s what you said.
but it trailed off for longer
and I wanted to be brave, to be stronger
spit it out and hell,
maybe tell my mother
“I’ve found a charmer”
a moment stealer, another lockdown survivor
but really looking on it now,
I spent time with a fake, a fraud
I’m glad I didn’t waste more time
we had our December, that bitter cold of mine
the wasted hours,
calling, pretending I was fine
out on a wire, out on a line
you made me think I had a catch,
a safety chute
a place to go when my world restarts
we had a December, in very separate worlds
and you knew I’d be frozen
for longer, much longer
but I was already planning on leaving the dark
I hope your still out there, charming another guy
I hope you love you
as much as you said you did.
I hope you have the power to do what I did too
be out there somewhere, happier please
normality’s come back to you
out there baking, drinking, dancing
while I’m crying on my knees
broken, messy, being a nuisance all the god damn time
wasting away and reading my silly books
content on the inside though,
especially on how my mind looks
was it even our December ?
even if I failed to remember
what you said to me daily,
failing and falling for a waste of my time
lose in the right ways,
don’t spend time with us boys, we’ll waste your days
months at a time,
December really, a heart full of heart crime
because you were never mine, never.
Our December was nothing but fun,
across the forth,
across the line.
but a huge, terrible, miserable cold waste of time.
I WAS NEVER ALONE (2021)
Acrylic, Pastel, Spray paint, Ink and Chalk on Canvas
H:100cm L:150cm D:4cm
£800.00 (ON SALE NOW IN STORE)
I am lucky. I am surrounded and have surrounded myself with the best people I know and ever will know. Grateful to have been together even when I was so so physically and occasionally mentally alone since March 2020.
LAGAN
(Photographic Print, 2021)
Order from Store, £100
I’m sunk, but you can find me again if you look hard enough
THE INCONVENIENCE
not a problem till I was one
didn’t have a condition till I spoke up
wasn’t ever scared till last March
not a puzzle to solve until I was
feeling like the blister on your day
just something to shrug off
imagine never being able to shrug this sick off
step, again I beg, into my shoes
it’s not your fault you don’t see
the other side of the table when you’ve been busy all this time
I’ve been in a state of stasis
hiding while the status quo remained
how could you possibly get it?
there’s no policy saying you have to feel
there’s no contract signed to say
“reliable and partial to a sick guy with a good deal”
I was made to be the inconvenience
the devout amplifier of your gold hearted menace
It’s simple, in simpler times
I was the best person for the role, stage exit now
I don’t think it’s brutal,
I don’t think you mean it when you avoid it
but I can’t help feeling,
I’m the inconvenience
THE MOON (2021)
Acrylic, Pastel and Charcoal on Canvas
H:60CM L:91CM D:1.5CM
£700.00 (ON SALE NOW IN STORE)
Late night walks to my car, watching the moon hit objects, buildings, you and I, differently. A moment of the day where calm and darkness engulfs us but I actually feel at home here in the dark. It’s where I don’t need to think about tomorrow.
JETSAM
(Photographic Print, 2021)
Order from Store, £100
intentionally dropped, thrown from you, lightening your burden of me, to stop you from sinking
PARASITES (2021)
Acrylic, Pastel, Ink and Charcoal on Canvas
H:60CM L:91CM D:1.5CM
£700.00 (ON SALE NOW IN STORE)
We all know someone or something that feeds off us. When you figure out what it is, if you can, isolate it and cut it off clean. There’s no better feeling.
Sometimes you yourself can be someones parasite. If you are, like I have been, cut yourself off and help that person out.
LIDOCAINE
you said a while ago
there was nothing left to teach me
that I knew more than you
and that made your advice worthless
looking back on that
contemplating on that
you put yourself down to justify what was coming
-the end of the blood war
I’m numb now
more numb than before
like I’d poured the lidocaine on my open brain
instead on my injection sites
I pulled the roots out,
branches and weeds
gripped it with both fists bloody, and pulled
tore you out my life like a spoilt child
what’s the need?
what’s the necessity?
having you be a presence for attention
doing nothing for me in life, nothing for my nutrition
I’m numb still
more numb than when you screamed at her
like a hammer against my half deaf ear
nice as can be around the siblings
who treats their child like shit?
who wants it all for nothing in return?
the longer you spoke to her with venom
the more I hated you
numb forever
numb till I warmed myself up
I peeled the dried lidocaine off my heart
tore everything up, but I’m happier now I’m dead to you
FLOTSAM
(Photographic Print, 2021)
Order from Store, £100
Floating on the surface, cast me overboard.
This project is, and will continue to be, dedicated to anyone who walked with me during what I’d consider the toughest years of my life. I am forever grateful, thank you.